What does it mean to be a member of your family?

As we counted down to midnight on December 31st my girls got excited talking about New Year's resolutions. Remember those? Usually they are things like exercise, spending less money, going on a diet, saving, or not eating out as much. As the ball dropped on Times Square in New York I still couldn't think of a resolution that seemed very important to me. The result was that I have been thinking about it for the last two weeks.

I want to talk about family values, and I don't want it to be a cliche. I want to reflect on what helps our children figure out what is important, and what it means to be a member of their family. What can they fall back on when times are tough? What thought makes them stand up a little straighter as they walk through the halls at school? What is something they know is true, that can give them more insight into themselves and others?

What I mean when I say family values is probably a little different that the phrase used in the media. I am asking you to think about the principles by which you are raising your children. I want you to consider what kind of person you hope they will be as adults. What would you, or they, say if asked what it means to be a Smith, a Jones, a Roberts?

I really started thinking about this when talking to a friend who had to advocate for his daughter about a school/peer-related problem. When I asked him why he intervened, knowing that there was potential for things to backfire, his answer to me (probably paraphrased) was "What I want my daughter to know is that it means something to be a _________. We stick up for ourselves. We don't take things lying down."

That conversation has stayed with me. It made me think about what it means to be a member of my own family. What kinds of things do I say to my daughters when we are reflecting on the day, or looking forward to a new school year? What will be foremost in their minds when they are in a tricky situation, trying to make friends, watching how others interact with each other, taking a test, behaving in a classroom? If it was at all possible, what influence would I want my daughters to have on others?

One guiding principle that is important to me is that my daughters try to treat other people as they would like to be treated. Without getting all religious on you, I have to tell you that this is definitely based on the "extra" commandment given to us by Christ (Do to others as you would have them do to you, Luke 6:31, NIV) that is also known as the golden rule. My husband tries to help our girls respond to others (and each other) "in a loving way." None of us are perfect at this, but I know we all think about it and talk about it.

Instilling the sense of what it means to be a member of your family also includes the way you live your life each day. What fills your time? What takes priority? How do you spend money? Your children are living it, too. The way they grow up will become their "comfort zone."

I need to think about this part more for my own family. Are we (and I am speaking personally, of my own family, here) living daily (or at least weekly, monthly?) in a thoughtful way that is caring, will foster a healthy mind, body, and spirit, and will help our daughters become responsible, independent adults? I think I might have trouble sleeping now that I have put into words what a huge responsibility this is!

My resolution for 2011 is to think more carefully about what it means to be a member of my family. I want to better define what we stand for, what gives us reason to get up each day, and what will get us through when things don't happen as expected. I want to make sure that my daily life reflects these values, and make adjustments when I find discrepancies. I only have one chance to parent my children, and to live the way I want to be. I want to think about this.

And just to make you smile as you consider these thoughts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64c5vT3NBw

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